This has been a rough few days. As it always is when a kid (or the kids) are sick. And you're all by yourself, still trying to run/clean/cook/do errands all the while dealing with sick, whiny, pitiful babies, it's......mind numbing, for lack of a better word.
I am certainly not the first mother to feel like this, nor the last. I know that. But, when I think of people with more kids than me and them all being sick, I shudder. For them.
There are a lot of days when I feel like a total failure and a suck ass mom. The days where I don't do Emma's home school. There are days when I just don't want to play and pay attention. There are days when I just want to be left alone. There are days where I lose my temper way more than appropriate at a 3 year old and 15 month old. The days where they won't.stop.crying. The days where nothing makes them happy and they are all underfoot. The days of talking back, snatching, fussing, and arguing with me.
But, when I think about going back to work (say, tomorrow), or sending them off to real school, I freak. I'm not ready. We haven't done enough. We haven't had enough adventures. We need more time! So. yeah.
We are thinking of enrolling Emma in 3 day/week day school at the UMC and Harrison in 2 day/week MDO. I need it, but more importantly, THEY need it. Harrison has never been away from me. He's 15 months old. Emma hasn't been away from me since I quit teaching and she was 22 months old. I would still have one child on all the days of the week, but it would be NICE to focus on one kid when they aren't at school. I know I would still be dealing with sick days and whatnot, but seriously? I am so excited about this possibility. Made possible by my radical husband. I always wondered why SAHM's needed to send their kids to MDO or "pre-school," (don't judge-I'm sorry!) but now, I know. Not only for the children's developmental needs, but for the mother to spend more time with the other kids (IMO). Everyone needs a break y'all-and if you aren't admitting it, you're lying to yourself.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. But, I'm having a shitty day