A Comedy of Errors

Y'all. Last night, we had our very own Comedy of Errors up in here.

I have to laugh about it or I'll cry. It's been a rough two weeks at night with Mr. Harrison. Boyfriend wants to eat every two hours at night, then it takes him a good 20-30 minutes to settle back down and go to sleep, especially after a diaper change. Add in the booby pumping every 4 hours and I'm a hot mess. I'm getting maybe 4 hours of sleep a night. I forgot how HARD it is with a newborn. It's okay though, this is a great season of life to be in. I am having so much fun learning about my little night owl boy.

Anyways, last night was awwwwfullll on so many levels.

We have been trying (for the past two nights) giving Harrison a formula bottle at 10:00 and 1:00 to get him to sleep longer stretches. All of this breastmilk is going though him like nobody's business. So, he got his bottle at 10, woke at 1:15, and Jason fed him while I pumped.

Cause you know I went to bed at 10:30 too. Then, Harrison snuffled and scrompled around in his bassinet (2 inches from my head) for about 45 more minutes. Basically, I was still trying to rock him back to sleep at 2:20. I was practically in tears.

I finally got him to sleep, only to be woken up at 3:30 by the FOULEST smell of my entire life. As in, something smelled SO BAD that I woke up from a dead ass newborn baby sleep.

That smell? Was poop. I woke Jason up and told him something smelled. He asked if it was the baby. Ummm, no. If the baby produces some poop that smells THAT bad, we are in trouble. I knew what was coming.

Then Jason turned on the light.

Oh.em.gee. It was a DDM. For those of you not familiar with me in real life, that stands for Doo Doo Murder, but in this case it was a Diarrhea Murder. There was diarrhea ALL OVER our bedroom. All freaking over. Tracked everywhere. Puddles in the corner.

Holy Lord. We both started retching. I started crying. I mean, I had JUST fallen asleep a little over an hour ago, and now this?

Jason thew both dogs outside and came back up to survey the damage, I mean diarrhea. 

First, he had to pick it up with plastic bags. Then he decided we needed to steam clean the carpet. It was that bad y'all. Cue Jason dragging our 100 pound Bissell steam cleaner upstairs and starting it up. It sounds like a jet plane too. And of course Harrison slept through that.

I continued crying. Harrison was due to get up at 4:00 or 4:15 to eat, and I KNEW he wouldn't be sleeping longer or missing a meal. So, J started carpet cleaning the eleventy billion puddles of shit all over our room, and I put a pillow over my head and tweeted the whole thing.

Finally he was done, and as predicted, HME woke up right on time. Fortunately for me, Jason was WIDE awake and agreed to feed him and get him back to sleep since I was running on 12 minutes of sleep.

Add to that little Miss Emma waking up at 6:40 and me "nicely" telling her to LAY DOWN AND GO  BACK TO SLEEP, and you have the beginning to our day.

I blacked out after her brief wake up, and when I woke up again, she was crawling in bed next to me with a bowl of Fruit Loops and a 34 pound tee tee diaper, courtesy of daddy. I begged her to go back to sleep with me and HME, but she wasn't down with that, so we started our day.

It's been an interesting, LONG day. Sprinkle in the fact that Emma ran away from me in the front yard, rolled down a hill, and got a spanking at the bottom of the hill, then add in an incident with her glasses being pulled at a 180 degree angle in the back seat while I was driving and she was kicking her brother's carseat, and you have my day in a nutshell.

And now you all know why I drink wine from a box.

It's our own Shakespearean comedy these days, folks.  Tomorrow has to get better, right?