For the love of your internet connectivity, I'm about to lose my mind. Get your act together. As we "speak," I am pricing out packages from Charter, Plus, you are extremely overpriced.
Your customer for the last 10 years
Dear Dish Network,
Ditto. I hate your stupid dish losing reception when the wind blows. You're about to be out with the wind too. See above.
Your customer for the last 7 years
Expect a call from me next week to set up TV/phone/internet. Maybe you can teach those peeps above a thing or two!
A new customer
If you don't stop barking while the children are asleep, I'm going to give you away to a zoo in Africa. Your antics are not amusing to me. Watch it, you're on thin ice.
Did you miss the memo on not waking up at 3:00 am? I know you got it because you were sleeping allll the way through the night. Please try to find that note and read up on it. Momma's tired.
I am worried about your eating habits. Please stop being so picky. I fear you will turn into a hot dog, chicken nugget, or macaroni. I just want you to be healthy. I promise that oranges, whole grains, and real meats won't hurt you.
Dear dog hair,
Get the hell out of my house. I don't have enough money to pay the maids to come weekly. Be gone.