Saturday, September 24, 2011

Open Letters

Dear AT&T,
    For the love of your internet connectivity, I'm about to lose my mind. Get your act together. As we "speak," I am pricing out packages from Charter, Plus, you are extremely overpriced.

Your customer for the last 10 years

Dear Dish Network,
     Ditto. I hate your stupid dish losing reception when the wind blows. You're about to be out with the wind too. See above.

Peace Out,
Your customer for the last 7 years

Dear Charter,
    Expect a call from me next week to set up TV/phone/internet. Maybe you can teach those peeps above a thing or two!

A new customer

Dear Dogs,
     If you don't stop barking while the children are asleep, I'm going to give you away to a zoo in Africa. Your antics are not amusing to me. Watch it, you're on thin ice.

Your mom

Dear Harrison,
     Did you miss the memo on  not waking up at 3:00 am? I know you got it because you were sleeping allll the way through the night. Please try to find that note and read up on it. Momma's tired.


Dear Emeline,
     I am worried about your eating habits. Please stop being so picky. I fear you will turn into a hot dog, chicken nugget, or macaroni. I just want you to be healthy. I promise that oranges, whole grains, and real meats won't hurt you.


Dear dog hair,
     Get the hell out of my house. I don't have enough money to pay the maids to come weekly. Be gone.



  1. You crack me up! Ditto on the dog hair! :)

  2. dude. I am so glad to know that J is in good company. He has been eating like a BIRD lately. It's driving me crazy.


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