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Anyone who knows me (closely) knows that I am the most non confrontational person ever when it comes down to actually confronting people. I talk a big game, but I HATE confrontation. It makes me nervous. I twitch. I will tell other people all kinds of stuff to say to the person that wronged them, and explain why they should say it. But very rarely do I say anything to people when they make me mad. They know I'm mad/irritated/annoyed, but I don't say, "You did this and I'm pissed!" Or, "that's wrong, etc."
I say all of this to say-I love Twitter like no one's business. I am on it about 78,429 times per day. However, things can be misconstrued on Twitter just like email. You can't tell tone. You can't tell what people really mean like you could if you were having an actual conversation.
I have read several tweets lately that have made my blood boil. But I have held my tongue. Today, however, I cannot do it. I am a little riled up and have had some convos with other people (IRL) who agree with me. I need to address some things that have been tweeted, and I'm not going to apologize in advance for maybe offending you.
I'm not trying to be bitchy or whatever, but I have an opinion too, and here it is.
Number One:
In which the educational system is attacked for failing inner city kids who can't spell.
I have been teaching for 9 years, and I have heard the blame put on education for so long I can't even count it anymore. Much less take it. People are looking for someone or something to blame. But let me tell you this-out of all the teachers in the world, roughly 90% of them are teaching their hearts out, busting their butts, working so hard for so little, just the reward of a kid one day saying thank you. The other 10% probably are just shitty teachers who don't do their job. But like it or lump it, that doesn't classify the "educational system" as crap. I teach my butt off everyday, and I STILL have kids who can't spell, read, add, etc. I taught the bejesus out of it, and nothing I do is going to make it happen. Maybe they have a learning disability, maybe they have a low SES, maybe they have no support at home, maybe they have a low IQ. Kids don't get everything we teach them. They struggle. They work hard too. But, just because a kid can't do something doesn't mean it's because the education system failed them.
End rant. If I need to bust out more research and other guest authors, I will, But this is something that is non negotiable for me. Don't attack education-we are trying to do good!
Number Two: In which mothers that formula feed are basically attacked due to the beetle thing. For the love of Similac.
This is a really tough one for me. It started of with @mckmama tweeting, "Happy that breastmilk isn't being recalled due to beetle parts." Then some other peeps chimed in, basically saying the same thing. I'm sorry, but that is uncalled for. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but that screams to me, "I breastfeed so I don't have to worry about a formula recall. If you use formula, sucks for you!" And, the thing that really bothers me about this is that she has had issues with breastfeeding and milk production and has to turn elsewhere. NOT everyone can breastfeed. I know all boobs make milk, I'm talking about actual suckage and production here. And DON'T tell me that you can all make enough-cause you can't, and I'm proof! I was on a milk production drug for 5 months, even though you shouldn't take it longer than 3 months! Sometimes it doesn't work out. So, if people have to use formula, should we judge them and make them feel like shitty people when the formula gets recalled?
Emma is on whole milk (6 oz) plus 2 oz of Similac formula. We are gradually weaning her off the formula to get to the full 8 oz of whole milk. Does this mean I suck? NO!
I have had numerous tweet convos with people about this. A lot of people are buzzing about how moms JUDGE the bejesus out of each other. We are the best support for each other. I hear it constantly-why do we tear each other down and judge?
It just makes me sad.
So, next time you tweet or email, maybe think about the phrasing of what you are saying. I'm not saying to censor yourself or your thoughts, but maybe consider how you could make other people feel when you say certain things.
PS-girlfriend who made the comment about education-I wrote her back. And I think she reads my blog. But she knows that I'm just defending my shiz, just like she would. :D Hi, Katie!
What do you all think about this? Not just the specific comments (although feedback is welcome-you don't have to agree with me!) But the way social media has skewed our intent...........
Good rant there suzyQ! I agree with moms attacking other moms. I dont know why ladies do that so much. I especially dont understand the war on formula with breastmilk. I think its ugly to say such things about a very personal and complicated subject. All I can think about peeps who say such things, is BF is so hard, and ladies who do it wanna beat their chest and brag b.c they are proud to be committed and need some sort of encouragement to keep going, but that should not come at the expense of others.
ReplyDeleteI wondered why that was being recalled. I need to listen to the news I guess because I don't know what beetles have to do with anything!
You know how when you finally get something off your chest and feel so much better about it...you actually made me feel this way just reading your post!
ReplyDeleteA "friend" aka acquaintance from high school is a complete breastfeeding nut...which i totally agree breast is beast she gets so out of line with her comments taking no consideration for other moms situations. She sends out all of these articles (on FB) about breastfeeding and anti-formula and it drive me crazy. I ended up having a private conversation with her in which she told me that with her first child she didn't try hard enough because she wasn't as educated as she is now and that maybe next time I would try harder! Excuse me, i spent 40K on a degree to learn that breastfeeding is best... I probably know more than her about the topic and i tried so hard with my son for over a month of nursing and pumping in between and just did not produce. Ugh...those women make me so mad!
Thank you for your rant, it made me feel better to know that I am not alone :-)
Oh and I totally agree with you about the education thing too!
Enjoyed the rant. Both of those issues pretty much piss me off. I can't stand people that blame the ed system. Usually they are not teachers and don't have a leg to stand on. Thank you to the crappy teachers who give them an avenue for blame. Jerkos. And why do women have to be so bitchy to eachother? Do what is best for you and your child, whatever that may be. Dang people.
ReplyDeletePreach on, sister! Especially about the education thing! Sigh. I never got how I was supposed to fix something in the few hours a day I saw "my kids" when they had lifetimes with others who were HORRIBLE influences on them.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, Twitter has been bugging me a lot as a whole lately. I've seen a lot of judgment flying around. Comments made that others would never say to someone's face. And some are so pointed!
Ugh.
Continue to rant and get it off your chest!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree, 99% of the teachers are great and pour their hearts into it and I say, "thank you all!!"
As to the breast feeding, sure, breast milk is better - whether it is for one day, one month, or one year (that would be whether the baby gets it from the breast or is pumped out and they use the bottle! That being said, no child has ever suffered or been mal-nourished from formula! So all or you moms that think breast feeding is the only way.................
GET OVER IT!!
Good rant Nannah - made me feel better too!
Okay, so I retweeted what Mckmama said purely off the basis that it had a link to the recall information. See? And that's why twitter can totally mean one thing and be percieved another. However, I do think that the beetle in the formula thing is disgusting and it ticks me off even if I don't use formula. I dont think moms who use formula should take it as a judgemental thing. NO matter what--we are all moms and that is plain sick. I am annoyed about it as much as anyone who uses the formula.
ReplyDeleteSo, sorry if I offended you or anyone else with my comments-but that's how I feel. Kind of sickened by the whole thing...and sad it even had to happen for the sake of all moms.
And as far as the education thing? yea. That just ticks me off. As an educator, I see teachers working their asses off and then to see that whole new documentary that's out claiming we are making the most illiterate nation of kids yet...It sets me off. HOW is this possible when so many teachers are working their tail ends off? yea...no clue. And it bothers me.
SO yea--there's my rant.
And to Miss Cary above---I don't think breastfeeding moms think that it's "the only way"-but it's the way they choose. Obviously, formula is the other option--its baby food. Feed your baby, that's what matters.
If we're sitting here saying mom's shouldn't be bashing one another--we should try to maintain that in this comment section too.
Just sayin.
I could not agree more with you about the education statement. And I can't really comment on the breast feeding situation because I'm not there yet, but I can comment on how we should treat other women and that is with respect. And there are some bloggers like little miss big Mac from up North that need to think about things just a little further than they do sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I just wanted to say thanks for writing this. I know I'm the one who wants everyone to be on twitter but some days I admit even I'm disgusted with how negative/hateful/judgmental people can be.
Whoa, killer. We canNOT blame the state of the educational system on the teachers. I am a product of the Special Education system, I'll be honest, I didn't have a 504 but under ADA I had an IEP and attended those meetings like whoa. And I don't even have a complicated disability like some other kids, but some of the things I've heard/seen at my own IEPs was sketch, and oftentimes there is a disagreement amongst the multidisciplinary team as to how to best work with these kids. If there is a breakdown between any of the parties responsible for working with the kid, that often leads to detrimental results. IMHO.
ReplyDeleteThere are MANY professionals who are responsible for the children's lack of ability to progress in school. And there are MANY parents who are responsible for their child's lack of ability to progress in life. And there are MANY disabilities/deficits/callthemwhateverPCtitle that cause children to be unable to perform at the level of their same-aged peers. It's complete BS to blame it all on one individual.
I think teachers have a tough job. I think parents have a tough job, especially with a kid who is showing signs of some kind of deficit. I think administration has a tough job. I think there's a lot of finger-pointing and blaming going on, and time, energy, and resources are spent on the blame game. And all the while, the game PLAN should be, each individual assist that child to the best of their abilities. There's only so much we can do as human beings, but we should try our best. And sometimes our best is simply praising kids for what they can do and accepting that they can't do other things.
And Sus, I think you're a great mom. I don't understand why people feel the need to be on attack for how you raise your child. I do think it's disheartening that formula can be contaminated, but it could happen to any other food that we eat, and it does!
So why get our panties in a bunch and become judgmental towards moms who feed their children Similac? Do you all eat lettuce? Lettuce that could have been contaminated with samonella? Well dang, I eat pure organic natural lettuce that grows in bug-free dirt and was blessed by the lettuce fairy and OMG you eat lettuce from the earth, with samonella?! Srsly. We don't get all up in people's faces for things like that. So what justifies us doing that with formula milk? Just let your mama friends know what the situation is and hope no one's child became sick from the contamination and move along, because being a mom is a tough job and you don't need to hear condescending comments.
I have written enough, but I think the underlying message is that I feel you and I'm sorry you're frustrated with this stuff.
XOXO
You know, I agree with you on both things.
ReplyDeleteMy niece and nephew are miles apart in their learning capacity. Why? Because my niece spent the first two years of her life with her POS MOTY & her parents (my niece's other grandparents). She was so far behind that when my mom enrolled her in kindergarten, they weren't sure if she'd have to repeat it.
The work that my mom did with her has made an amazing difference. The child's own mother has said before that she doesn't care if she graduates or not. Which makes me see red.
My nephew, on the other hand, borders on genius. He has never spent one night away from my mom and that shows all the difference in the world.
Learning begins at home & when kids enter school, it doesn't mean that the learning shifts to the school's responsibility. We, unfortunately, have too many parents who don't take an active part in their child's education (or should never have had kids in the first place).
And as for the feeding thing? We all make choices in our lives. As long as we OWN them, they're our own & anyone who thinks otherwise or looks down on them can stuff it. :)
xo
I am COMPLETELY WITH YOU!!!! No child left behind - ha! My mom teaches in the inner city. She has fifth graders who could have a drivers license. She teaches her rear off, too. And half her kids don't even know who they're spending the night with. They all come in early for breakfast and none of them have parents who CARE. Mama called one boy's mother from the classroom, on a cell phone, to tell that Mama the issues my Mom was facing with her son. The Mom was like, "Whatever. Call the police. I don't care." The education sys. is NOT the problem. For the most part. IT'S THE PARENTS WHO DON'T GIVE A RIP.
ReplyDeleteDitto on the formula.
Your post just inspired me to go tell off this crazy lady I work with who I just found out has been talking mad smack about me behind my back about my parenting skills! Thanks! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted this. I saw the MckMama tweet and it kinda hit me the wrong way too. I thought it was insensitive to those who CAN'T breastfeed. Like you said, not everyone can.
ReplyDeletePreach on!!!
good rant! I'm not a mother but I do see how they "attack" each other. I guess it could be considered good media when people are using it in that manner because they are using it but I don't think it is too nice. I mean, I also think people use their blogs to do that too to show, look how much better I am. But I'm just not going to listen because it isn't about one-upping people but supporting them. At least in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think people are always going to complain about education, government etc. and we can't please everyone so I wouldn't worry about that. You just have to make sure you give your view to show that not everyone agrees one way.
Amen sista. I think, in this age of tweets and fb and texting that we don't lose our ability to have face to face (when obvio possible) convos. Way to get it off your chest though. And ps your daughter is ador.
ReplyDeleteTeachers aren't the problem. Parents are the problem. Teaching doesn't end when children leave school. It should start when the child enters 4k or 5k. The people who are saying teachers are the problem? I'm pretty certain they spend no time or effort educating their children at home.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know how I feel on the BF issue.
I stopped subscribing to Mckmama a long time ago. I don't care for her take on the world all that much. It's that preachy, religious thing that just gets me. I think she's a very nice person, just don't think we have much in common.
ReplyDeleteThat said, people get fucking batshit crazy over the breastfeeing stuff. Yes, we all know it's best. Unfortunately, not everyone can do it. And sometimes, people just don't WANT to. While that's not the choice I'd pick, it's none of my business how someone chooses to raise their child.
I'll continue to support and educate people on things I feel passionately about (like breastfeeding), but I'll do so with respect and common courtesy.
Stupid is as stupid does.
ReplyDeleteI am a fan of leaving some kids behind..